Manafort the First of the MAGA Crowd to Enjoy Federal Hospitality

If you aren’t among those obtuse types who believe it’s a fine idea to fill the nation’s capital with people who have no earthly idea how government actually functions at the pure grunt-work and ethics level, you’ve been counting the seconds since you saw the lightning in the far-off sky and then heard the thunder to determine when the storm would ruin the old trees in your front yard.

As of this morning, the trees are swaying to an alarming degree and approaching horizontal.

Paul Manafort, a former member in good standing of the sick-rich cabal of greasy hooligans associated with our current president*, was hauled in this morning in preparation to be fully skinned and dressed in Government Wear and Slippers for his crimes against, well, everything democracy and patriotic goodness.

Manafort, an American lobbyist, political huckster and lawyer, signed on with Donald Trump’s presidential campaign in 2016 and bolstered the Tweeter in Chief as campaign manager until he was off-loaded later that year. A former adviser to presidential campaigns for Gerald Ford, Ronald Reagan, George H. W. Bush, and Bob Dole, Manafort shortly thereafter those gigs began lining his pockets via his Washington, D.C.-based lobbying firm Black, Manafort & Stone. Yes, that roster included Roger J. Stone.

Manafort immediately took up the Just Cause of pimping for sporting foreign leaders from President of the Ukraine Viktor Yanukovych to former dictator and shoe-buyer Ferdinand Marcos to Mobutu Sese Seko and soft-hearted Friends of America such as Angolan guerrilla leader Jonas Savimbi.

As a function of his mission statement to serve the interests of foreign governments, Manafort was required to file annoying, inconvenient registration documents with the Justice Department under the Foreign Agents Registration Act. He took this duty seriously, for the most part, retroactively filling out all that pesky paperwork when he found the time between bouts of massaging our president’s* feet and cashing checks from True Patriots of Foreign Ilk.

Unfortunately for Mr. Manafort, all his most diligent and America First effort has led him to this sad crossroads; under investigation by multiple federal agencies and thrown under a parade of Greyhound Line buses by his bestest buddies, The Chief Executive For Now and Steve “Deep Italy” Bannon, he is now Sad!

As of this morning, October 30, 2017, Mr. Manafort awoke, made certain his hair was properly coiffed, donned a respectable suit and tie, enjoyed a cup of coffee (and possibly a shot glass filled to near the brim with the Blood of the Innocent), and then drove in from his Arlington domicile to surrender to the FBI on charges of “Conspiracy against United States”, “Conspiracy to launder money”, “Failure to File Reports Of Foreign Bank and Financial Accounts”, “Unregistered Agent of Foreign Principal”, “False and Misleading FARA statements”, and “False Statements Just For Kicks and Out of Habit More Than Anything.”

He was more Sad!

Upon learning of his arrival downtown with the dour Mr. Mueller, his friends quickly dashed off to begin burying their money and computer hard drives in coffee cans in the backyards of their various estates and tweeting about Hilary Clinton.

It’s a bitch being a patriot these days. What with all the brain-damaged progressives and members of the Fourth Estate being allowed to run amok across the landscape.
As a result of today’s meetings with Overbig and Commie Federal Government, Manafort’s spokesman, Jason Maloni, is pretty likely to say something like this:

“Mr. Manafort has consistently cooperated with law enforcement and other serious inquiries and did so on this occasion as well.”